Written 6/25/07. 3053 words (1172 of actual fic).
Bandslash, a million pairings which include pretty much all bandom bands as of 2007. This started as comment fic between me and seanarenay, on a post of hers with a poll about who from bandom is probably good at math/likes math, IIRC. Then I started actually writing it, but I saved the comment fic at the beginning, so that's about half (or more) of this. Sadly, I don't remember whose comments were whose at this point, so I guessed, but as it's been over two years now, I could be completely wrong (I also might've broken them up wrong, but I did my best). Sorry if any of that is confusing.
-happens whenever they're all in the same city for more than a few hours (which isn't super often, but often enough that they can kind of pick up where they left off)
-Jon + Spencer – puzzle (1000 pieces, ½ sky)
-MCR + Ryan – boggle (later – Bob joins math games)
-Joe, Gabe + William – math games (Joe & Gabe high
-Patrick + Andy – sit in corner & talk about music & current events; sometimes Andy teaches Patrick the drum parts for their songs, just for the hell of it
-THS -Chris – crossword puzzles
-TAI -William + Chris – 20 questions
Pete - Brendon
Patrick - Greta & Joe
Andy - no one (he can have all the groupie chicks)
Joe - Patrick & Greta
Ryan - Gerard
Brendon - Pete
Spencer - Jon
Jon - Spencer
Greta - Patrick & Joe
Chris - Butcher
Darren - Mikey
Bob Morris - no one
William - Bob (one-sided); Gabe (just sex)0
Butcher - Chris
Gerard - Ryan
Mikey - Darren
Bob Bryar - has a gf at home
Gabe - William (just sex)
wordsaremyfaith: Damn, now that I've read other people's comments I feel like I voted all wrong. Also! I so want there to be a universe where they all sit around and do dorky things together! Maybe they have a Game Night! Like, Gabe and Joe have to be high to do advanced math in their heads, but then they're unstoppable. And maybe the Hush Sound likes to do crossword puzzles, except Chris gets bored really fast and goes to hang out with TAI, who are mostly just sitting around and sometimes playing that 20 questions game (have you seen the TAI TV clip where they stump William? It's HILARIOUS). And William sometimes gets high with Joe and Gabe, but he's actually better at math *sober*, so mostly he doesn't in order to compete with them at puzzles and things.
Meanwhile, Patrick and Andy sit in the corner geeking out over music and current events, and sometimes Andy teaches Patrick the drum parts for their songs, just for fun. Jon and Spencer are hard at work on a jigsaw puzzle on the floor. It's got, like, 1000 pieces and the top part is all sky, so it's really hard, okay. Ryan was working with them, but then he decided to join MCR's Boggle tournament, as that's more his speed. He gets pissy when he doesn't win. He makes fun of them when he does. They would be annoyed at him being the worst sport ever, but they kind of think he's darling (especially Gerard). Bob secretly steals glances over at the math games Joe, Gabe and William have going on, but he's too embarrassed to actually go join them.
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week. ;)
seanarenay: BOB SECRETLY LOVES MATH. Oh, god. They have to get him sometime. William will be really gentle, he'll notice Bob's eyes and his skittishness and he'll smile his best sweet smile and flirt in this totally calculated way. He'll come over and lean against Bob's chair and tilt his hips toward Bob a little, cock his head and grin. "Those fuckers are ganging up on me, come on. If you're shit at math, just glare at Joe, he scares easy, it'll throw him off." Bill winks and Bob's mouth goes kind of dry, all right, all right, he's going, and he's awesome at math, and Bill is totally impressed.
wordsaremyfaith: Oh man, I forgot about Pete and Brendon! They're totally bored and jumpy. Brendon's like, "Can't somebody do something *active* around here?" and Pete's like, "Okay, want to take a walk?" So they're out somewhere, walking around and probably getting ice cream, and Pete's trying to be deep but Brendon just says all this ridiculous crap until finally Pete's just like, "Okay, I give up, we can talk about how you now want monkeys in your next video and how Ryan stole your hair gel this morning. *sigh*" And Brendon's *so excited*, like, he's eating ice cream! And the night is warm and clear and everything is wonderful! And Pete is really good to talk to, once he stops thinking he's profound!
seanarenay: They totally get along! At first, Brendon *is* jealous of how much Ryan talks about Pete, but then he realizes, hey, Pete's kinda hot, and besides, Pete would never sleep with Ryan anyway. And besides, Ryan's kinda bitchy. So on Game Night, he and Pete start going out for ice cream, and once Pete gets over his initial irritation at Brendon's ADHD, he realizes it's kind of endearing and laughs and has a wonderful time! And then a few weeks later, he hits on Brendon while they're eating ice cream, and Brendon's like, "Oh hell yes," and there is making out with ice cream! And it's awesome!
wordsaremyfaith: See, when William's not drunk or high, he's actually really observant. He notices Bob glancing at them out of the corner of his eye, and he knows that Bob will never actually join them of his own accord, because the rest of MCR will tease him *forever* about being a math geek and he has too much pride for that. So Bill figures that if he needs help, it'll look like Bob's just doing him a favor, and Bill's actually a really nice guy sometimes. When he wants to be.
Now that they have four people, they form teams, and it's like, whichever team can solve this calculus equation fastest gets a point. Bob is amazing at it, which kind of secretly turns Bill on. The rest of MCR totally knows after, like, two rounds that Bob is actually enjoying himself and that he's a total math geek, but they decide to be nice and only laugh about it when he's not actually *there*.
seanarenay: Jon and Spencer's puzzle totally takes them more than one Game Night. Because it's really hard, and the pieces are *tiny*, and like half of them are the same shade of blue. They have fun with it, though, teasing each other. Once Jon makes fun of Spencer a little too much and Spencer throws a puzzle piece at his head, prompting a puzzle piece fight. Everyone else watches. It's great entertainment. Finally, Spencer gets embarrassed that everyone's watching and huffily goes, "Fine, whatever," going back to the actual puzzle. Jon thinks Spencer's hissy fits are sort of hot, because it's Spencer and he's not immune to Spencer's Spencerness.
I totally have a soft spot for Patrick/Greta. A spot that is soft like their bellies! *nudges them together and watches them blush*
I feel Chris/Mike Carden or Chris/Butcher should also have a place. Or Chris/Tom. SOMEBODY WITH CHRIS, OKAY, I LOVE CHRIS. :D He smokes, who else smokes? Butcher does, I think. They go outside to smoke because they're not allowed to cloud up game night, the non-smokers are the majority, and, um, then they make out because they're both hot. I AM AWESOME AT THIS!
Frank would give Bob so much shit for being a math geek. He'd fucking harp and harp on it, but then he'd do something really quietly awesome, like buy Bob a supersweet math book before the next game night. Frank & Bob heterosexual lifemates FTW! Except for how they're totally gay, just not with each other! Most of the time!
wordsaremyfaith: Yes, exactly! One day Andy's sick, and Patrick looks so alone and lost, so Greta invites him to join them. He's totally helpful with the music-related clues, and sometimes he even knows random trivia no one else can figure out. But he only answers things when Bob or Darren ask him. Whenever Greta asks him something, he gets all blushy and mumbly and stares at his feet. Greta thinks this is totally adorable, but she's too much of a lady to make the first move, so she waits.
Chris/Butcher FTW! (Chris is actually older than Butcher, which, *what*?) It happens exactly like that, yes. *nods*
I'm thinking that Bob/Bill is totally one-sided. Because Bob's straight, and has a girlfriend at home, but Bill has this huge crush on him anyway, even though he knows it's hopeless. He has a lot of drunk!sex with Gabe instead and asks Gabe to "speak math to him" while they fuck. Gabe thinks this is a little weird, but he's cool with whatever.
Yeah, Frank is totally the first one to break that whole we're-not-going-to-tease-Bob-about-math thing. But it's okay, because Bob teases him about a million other things anyway. Besides, Bill has taught him to be proud of his math geekiness. Math pride, Bob!
(Also? I'm thinking maybe Joe/Patrick/Greta. Because that's how I roll.)
seanarenay: THAT IS SO CUTE I COULD DIE. Darren should get some play, too, he's darling, who's left for Darren? He would get all protective and suspicious of Patrick, except that it's PATRICK, so he just smirks and tries to rig things so Greta and Patrick end up asking each other the most. Darren's more perceptive than most people think, too. (Darren/Mikey? Darren/someone from TAI?)
(It boggles my mind that Chris Faller is older than ANYONE IN THE WORLD.) And, heehee. :D
Awwww, Bill! Gabe talks the most obscene math in the world, I don't really know how it's possible, but you KNOW he does. It's really DIRTY math. I wish I knew more about math, dammit!
(Joe/Patrick/Greta would be kind of, I don't know, oh, wait, yeah, AWESOME.)
Oh, right. Sorry. Forgot I asked about that. Yeah, Brendon tries to impress Jon with his imaginary math skills, and Jon totally humors him, and then Spencer's like, "Brendon, everybody knows you can't really do math. Come on, Jon, we have a puzzle to do!" and then Brendon pouts and that's when he decides he needs to go do something active.
wordsaremyfaith: Awww, yay! That's what I was going for. Yeah, I was just thinking about who to pair Darren with. Hmmm... there's Andy, Bob Morris, Siska, Mike, Tom (this is totally while Tom was still in TAI), Mikey, Frank and Ray. I think that's it? And, um, I kind of have no idea. I'm thinking not Andy or Bob, though, because Andy's straight and Bob gives me creepy vibes. I kind of want to make Darren/Frank happen, because HELLO, PRETTY, but I don't know that much about either of them so that might not work at all, what do I know?
(I KNOW. He's older than ME. What????)
Gabe can make *anything* obscene. You know it's true.
(I just need to figure out how to get Joe in there, but yeah, AMAZING. :D )
seanarenay: Also, Mikey needs to be paired with someone, and I'm still unsure about Darren. Hmm. And I kind of want there to be some Jon/Tom interaction of the platonic variety, because I'm kind of a sucker for BFFs. Maybe Tom gets bored and comes to join them on the puzzle, and at first Spencer's all, this is *our* thing, go away, but Jon's like, Come on, he can help, and Spencer finally softens. And Tom's really nice, and good at jigsaw puzzles, and Spencer's like, okay, this is sort of awesome. Except for the part where he totally wants Jon all to himself.
It was all Pete's fault, really. He was the one who'd paused in the middle of the game and said, "Hey, so I was thinking."
In retrospect, that was where they should've stopped him, Patrick thought. Pete thinking was generally not a good thing, unless it ended with "…and I came to the conclusion that we should really cuddle more" or "…and here's my notebook, find some lyrics in there." But they'd been playing Scattergories for three hours, and Patrick figured that whatever Pete had been thinking about couldn't possibly be worse than Joe's last answer.
"Yeah?" he said, barely looking up.
"It's just…" Pete said. "It just seems like a shame, you know, we have all these games on the bus and we're the only ones who play them." Patrick had no idea where Pete was going with this. Donate some games to charity, perhaps? Sacrifice occasional Battleship tournaments for the happiness of children in need?
And then Pete said, "We're going to be in Chicago next week. We should invite some people to join us. Maybe have a game night."
It sounded harmless enough, at the time. But what did Patrick know?
Of course, then it turned out that not only were The Academy Is… and The Hush Sound home for a while, but Panic! and My Chem were also playing in Chicago within the same week, and there was one night when everybody's time overlapped. Pete invited them all, getting really excited. Patrick started worrying about how everyone was going to fit on the bus.
"You worry too much," was all Pete said when he brought it up. So Patrick asked Andy and Joe what they thought.
"I'm with Pete," Andy said. "It'll be fun. Relax."
"So maybe we'll be a little bit on top of each other," Joe added, "but it can't be worse than living in a van, dude."
Well, that was probably true.
Brendon was bored.
This had sounded like so much fun, in theory. Get 23 people in a room and give them games to play. And yet, here he was, not having fun. (Of course, fourteen of them weren’t there yet, but that was a little beside the point.)
This was all Joe's fault. He had gotten high with Gabe – who had randomly shown up about half an hour ago – and declared, "You know what I'm good at? Math."
"I bet I'm better at it than you are," Gabe said.
"Uh-uh." Joe shook his head. "No one's better at math than I am. That's why they call me the Trohminator."
Pete burst out laughing. Andy said, "Dude, no one calls you 'the Trohminator.'"
Brendon said, "I can do math, too."
No one heard him.
Gabe said, "Fine, I'll bet you I can get more algebra problems right than you."
"You're on!" Joe said.
"Where are you guys going to find algebra problems?" Patrick asked, but Joe already had his phone out.
"Hey, Mom? Yeah, it's Joe. Can you bring me my tenth-grade math textbook? On the floor in my room. We're on the bus. Parking lot of the A & P. Thanks. Bye, Mom." He flipped the phone shut and looked up to see everyone’s incredulous stares. "What? My mom's on her way."
After Joe's mother had come and gone, Joe and Gabe sat with the textbook, racing each other. Pete was the official judge. Patrick and Andy sat on the couch, talking. Ryan and Spencer were looking for things to do, and Brendon said, "Jon? I can do math, too."
Jon smiled gently at him. "I'm sure you can, Brendon."
"You want to see?" Jon nodded, so Brendon pulled out a piece of paper and a pencil and proceeded to attempt to wow Jon with his amazing math skills.
About a minute into this, Spencer came back over holding a jigsaw puzzle, followed by Ryan.
"Hey, guys." Spencer glanced at the paper. "Brendon, those problems all have shortcuts. You want to do a puzzle?"
Brendon pouted. Okay, so Spencer was right, but he just wanted to impress Jon. "That's okay," he said, sulking.
"I will," Jon said. He got up and followed Spencer and Ryan to an unoccupied spot on the floor.
Brendon watched them for a little while, before he realized how bored he was. Board games were good and all, but they were just so quiet and inactive. He fidgeted uncomfortably.
Finally, Pete came over. "Hey. Not having fun?"
"Not really," Brendon admitted. "I kind of want to take a walk or something, but I don't know where I am."
"I'll take you," Pete offered. Brendon nodded gratefully.
"Hey, guys?" Pete said. "We're going for a walk. My cell's on if anyone needs me for anything."
Brendon added, "Mine too."
And then they were outside, and it wasn't nearly as chilly as Brendon had thought it would be. It could almost be summer, still. He skipped a little as he walked, happy to be active and out in the fresh air.
"You want some ice cream?" Pete asked.
"Sure." Ice cream was perfect for a night like this, when the air was warm and the sky was clear enough that you could see stars. Brendon suddenly felt glad he was alive.
"Cool." There was a long pause, and then Pete said, "You know what I think about on nights like this?"
Brendon shook his head.
"Infinity," Pete said. "I know it sounds kind of cheesy or whatever, but seriously. There's this really beautiful quote by van Gogh, 'Be clearly aware of the stars and infinity on high. Then life seems almost enchanted after all.'" He cleared his throat. "We're thinking of naming the next record after it, actually."
"That's really beautiful," Brendon said.
"Well, I think so, anyway." They were silent for a long minute. "What were you thinking about?"
"That it's nice to be outside, away from annoying friends who steal your hair gel."
Pete laughed. "You were thinking about hair gel?"
"Well, yeah," Brendon said defensively. "Not all of us can be all profound all the time, you know. Besides, Ryan needs to learn to keep his grubby paws to himself."
"You could replace some of his hair products."
"Oh, you know." Pete grinned mischievously. "Maple syrup. Raw eggs. Piss."
"I… what?" Brendon gaped.
"Hey, it'd teach him not to steal your shit."
"Um, I guess so."
"You don't have to or anything. Just a suggestion." Pete was still grinning, and suddenly the whole thing seemed hilarious. Brendon started to giggle.
Then he couldn't stop. It was a beautiful night and they were out on a walk and Pete was talking about replacing Ryan's hair goop with piss, and Brendon was choking on his laughter. It wasn't that it was even that funny on its own (although the mental image of Ryan's face upon figuring it out was priceless), it was just. Life. Or something.
"Hey, you okay?" Pete asked.
Brendon gasped in a breath, wiped his eyes on his sleeve and managed, "Never better."