Fandom: Panic! at the Disco
Word Count: 2863
Disclaimer: I do not know these people, this never happened, I am making no money off of anything.
A/N: I loved all the cliche fic I was reading when I first discovered wtf27, but I knew I couldn't do one of those justice, knowing everything that had already been written. So I made up my own "cliche" - Brendon wakes up tone deaf. (To clarify, I don't know that much about real tone deafness - this is magical tone deafness, in the vein of magical genderswap, if that makes any sense.) My undying gratitude to pressdbtwnpages for the beta, and to quettaser for some really good ideas.
They don’t notice until the concert, when Brendon can’t sing on-key. Spencer just keeps playing like nothing’s wrong, getting more and more annoyed. Jon glances at Brendon concernedly, and Ryan glares at him from time to time. Brendon has no idea anything is wrong, except that things sound a little funny, but he chalks that up to his hearing being shot from having a concert every night and keeps singing.
The applause that night is less than enthusiastic. Well, that’s not entirely true – it’s just less than they usually get. The second they get offstage, Ryan says, “What was that?”
“What was what?”
“Are you kidding?”
Brendon looks around at his bandmates, who look increasingly annoyed, pissed off and concerned in turn. “No, what? So they didn’t love us as much as usual. We’ll do better tomorrow.”
“We’d better,” Ryan grumbles, “because that was horrific.”
“It wasn’t that bad.” Brendon bounces on the balls of his feet.
Spencer says, “Brendon, you can’t sing.”
“I just was,” Brendon says, confused, and Ryan snorts.
“Sure, if you call that singing.”
Brendon looks around. They are all staring at him. “I’m confused, guys,” he whines.
“You didn’t notice?” Jon asks quietly.
“Notice what? Seriously, someone better tell me what’s going on here, because this is really frustrating.”
“You can’t sing on-key,” Ryan blurts out.
Brendon blinks a few times and says, “I… what? Since when?”
“Is this some kind of joke, guys? Because it’s not funny, and I thought I sounded fine.”
“Wait, let’s try something,” Jon says. “Ryan, go get your guitar.”
“Just do it, okay?”
Ryan grumbles but complies. When he gets back, Jon says, “Play something. Brendon, try to sing along.”
Ryan picks out the first few notes of “Build God.” After a measure or two, Brendon comes in.
“It’s these substandard motels on the, la la la la la, corner of Fourth and Fremont Street –”
“Stop!” Spencer covers his ears. “Don’t you hear how awful that sounds?”
“No.” Brendon looks at his feet. No one says anything for a long moment.
Finally, Spencer says, “What did you do before you went to bed last night?”
“Brushed my teeth.”
Spencer rolls his eyes. “Besides that.”
Brendon shrugs. “Nothing. Normal stuff.”
“Okay, so you didn’t do anything that might have damaged your hearing or your voice.”
“Okay, I give up.”
“You can’t give up,” Brendon says frantically. “I can’t sing.”
The others just look at him. Ryan says, “What do you want us to do? We don’t know how to fix you.”
“Neither do I, and we have concerts most nights for the next few months.”
“Maybe we should sleep on it,” Jon suggests. “We’re obviously not figuring anything out right now.”
“Good idea,” Spencer agrees.
“Fine,” says Brendon. “But we’d better figure out something in the morning.”
Ryan nods, scowling at his feet.
Brendon starts humming on the way back to the bus until he catches Spencer staring at him and realizes how he must sound. Embarrassed, he doesn’t look anyone in the eye the rest of the way to his bunk and promptly goes to bed.
Late that night, Brendon wakes up to someone shoving him over. "What are you doing?" he whispers, wiping the last vestiges of sleep out of his eyes.
The person makes an "oof" sound as he moves. Brendon's eyes adjust to being open. "Ryan?"
Ryan says, "Sorry for being pissy earlier. But I think I can help you." For a minute, Brendon doesn't know what he's talking about. Then he remembers the show and their conversation afterwards.
But Ryan's hand is already reaching down the front of his pajama pants. Ryan leans down to kiss him. After a confused second, Brendon pushes him away.
"What the fuck, Ryan?"
"I heard somewhere that sex fixes weird things like this," Ryan answers.
"What? Who said that? Are you out of your mind?"
Ryan looks at him. "I'm trying to help you here. Do you really want to be tone deaf for the rest of your life?"
Brendon pauses. He's never had gay sex. But he's had sex and it's been a while and Ryan's offering, and sex is sex, you know? Besides, the thought of being tone deaf forever is, frankly, terrifying. If there's even the slightest chance this will help, he'll do it. "Well, when you put it that way..."
Ryan grins and kisses him again, deeper this time. He slips his tongue between Brendon's lips, prying them apart.
Brendon pulls away to yank their shirts off, then goes back to kissing Ryan. His hand cups the back of Ryan's head as Ryan works on removing his pants.
Brendon is already hard and flushed with need. "Lube?" he whispers. Ryan pulls some out of his pants pocket silently.
In everyday conversation, this is where Brendon would say something like, ‘You are such a slut,’ but now he just nods, eyes wide in anticipation. "You have a condom?"
"Good," Brendon says as Ryan starts stroking him. He paws at Ryan until he manages to get Ryan's pants down to his knees, and apparently, Ryan doesn't wear underwear to bed. He touches Ryan's cock gingerly at first before wrapping his whole hand around it. Ryan wiggles his hips as Brendon jerks him off.
A minute later, though, he says, "Wait – stop." Brendon looks confused. Ryan says, "Aren't you going to fuck me?"
Oh. Brendon nods eagerly and grabs the lube. Then he pauses. "I don't know how this works."
"I think you should probably use your fingers first."
He coats two fingers with lube as Ryan straddles him, making his cock jump. He snakes an arm around until he can reach Ryan's ass, inserting his index finger. Ryan closes his eyes as Brendon moves his finger around. After a few minutes, he adds another finger. "Tell me when you're ready," he whispers. Ryan just nods. Brendon angles his fingers up and pushes in a little farther, until he hits a spot that makes Ryan shiver and whisper, "Now."
Brendon grabs the condom Ryan brought, ripping the package open (not as quietly as he would have liked) and putting it on. He looks at Ryan, whose eyes are still closed, waiting. Finally he pushes in, slowly so it won't hurt too much. Even though he's never slept with a guy before, he remembers his first time with a girl, and how much it hurt her when he went too fast. Guys can't be that different, right?
"So... what now?" Brendon says.
"Now we have sex." Ryan rolls his eyes, like, Come on, Brendon, are you really that slow?
Brendon says, "No, I mean, what do I... do?"
"I'm not describing sex to you. Just keep going slow and do what feels good, I guess. I'll tell you if it hurts."
"How do you know all this stuff?" Brendon asks.
Ryan mumbles, "I called Pete."
"I didn't know what else to do, okay? Anyway, he told me this would work. And what to do, and stuff."
Of course Pete knows all about gay sex. But that's definitely a thought for another time, when he's not trying to wrap his brain around sex with Ryan.
As Brendon begins to move inside him, Ryan lets out a small whimper and bends down as much as he can to kiss Brendon again. It is possibly the hottest kiss of Brendon's life. A shiver runs down his spine as Ryan grabs his hand and guides it to his cock, his mouth never leaving Brendon's. As he strokes Ryan in time with his thrusts, Brendon knows he isn't going to last long. His senses are in overdrive and his brain has turned to mush. He stops kissing Ryan so he can look at him, and it is then that Ryan comes silently, his eyes flying open as he bites his lip and spills over Brendon's hand. Brendon shudders and comes soon after, crying out. Instantly, Ryan's hand is over his mouth. "Do you want to wake Spencer and Jon?" he hisses. Brendon shakes his head. Ryan removes his hand as Brendon pulls out of him. He knots the condom and tosses it into the garbage can at the foot of his bunk. As Ryan rolls off him towards the wall, Brendon realizes that Ryan has no intention of going back to his own bed. Brendon's too tired to be shocked that he doesn't really want Ryan to leave. So Brendon turns onto his side, too, spooning Ryan. He presses a kiss to the back of Ryan's neck. "Thank you," he whispers.
The next morning, Spencer finds them curled into each other, Brendon's arm wrapped possessively around Ryan's hip.
"Uh… guys?" he says. Brendon yawns and stretches, blinking a few times. He starts when he sees Spencer standing there and shakes Ryan urgently. "Wake up!"
"Huh?" Ryan mumbles, rolling over to block out the light.
"Dude, seriously, wake up!"
Slowly, Ryan opens his eyes and notices that they're not alone. "Oh, hey, Spence."
Brendon stares at him.
"What's up?" Ryan asks, yawning.
"You tell me," Spencer says. Then Brendon realizes their pajamas are still on the floor, where they'd tossed them last night. "Uh…" he begins.
Ryan says matter-of-factly, "He should be able to sing on-key now."
Spencer blinks at him, rubs his eyes, and says, "Maybe if I go back to bed, this will all be a really weird dream and the world will make sense again when I wake up." He walks away, and Brendon covers his face with his pillow.
Ryan says, "We should probably shower. And you might want to change your sheets. They kind of smell."
Brendon thinks that maybe Spencer was onto something. He shoves the pillow back under his head and closes his eyes.
He wakes up some time later to Spencer standing over him again. Embarrassingly enough, this makes him shriek like a little girl. Spencer covers his ears with his hands.
"Now that you're awake," he says once Brendon has woken up a little more, "We have to talk."
"Sit," Brendon mumbles. Spencer sits on the edge of his bed and says, "First off, I've been thinking a lot about your problem, and I think I can help you. Secondly, if you hurt Ryan, I'll remove your vocal chords with a rusty spork."
Brendon laughs and says, "Aw, you're sweet, Spence."
Spencer just looks at him. Brendon sighs and adds, "Okay, seriously, it's not like that. Ryan was trying to help me. Besides, don't you think he can take care of himself?"
"Don't kid yourself - that may have been what he said, but it's not all he wants," Spencer says. "And yeah, he can totally take care of himself, but that won't stop me from coming after you if you break his heart."
Brendon makes a mental note never to get on Spencer's bad side. "I'm not planning on it," he says, and then, "Wait - you said you could help me?"
Spencer nods. He opens his mouth, but Brendon cuts him off immediately.
“How do you know Ryan didn’t fix it?”
“One of our songs?”
Spencer looks pained. “I think you’ve done enough damage to our songs,” he says.
So Brendon warbles the first few lines of a Counting Crows song. Mid-verse, he stops and says, “From the horrified look on your face, I’m guessing Ryan didn’t fix me.”
“Not at all,” Spencer says. “Please don’t try to sing again.”
Brendon rests his chin in his hands and says, “So tell me, O Wise Spencer, Knower of All Things, what’s your solution?”
“Simple,” Spencer says. “We need to fly to Germany.”
Brendon stares at him. “What?”
“I heard about a doctor there who cures tone deafness.”
Now Brendon looks at him skeptically. “Um, right. Where did you hear this?”
“Some Discovery channel show, I don’t know.”
He sighs heavily. “And that’s all you’ve got?”
“Unfortunately, yeah. But maybe this will work,” Spencer says. “Come on, give it a shot.”
“Well, I guess we’d have to cancel our show tonight anyway,” Brendon concedes. “All right, might as well try it.”
Spencer smiles. “Cool. I’ll go tell Ryan and Jon.”
“Cool,” Brendon repeats unenthusiastically. Nothing about this situation is cool in the slightest. Well, except the sex. The sex was pretty damn cool. Which reminds him that he’s still naked. “Tell them I’m getting dressed, so they shouldn’t come in.”
Spencer nods. “Will do.” And then he’s gone, and Brendon’s alone with his thoughts.
He is almost completely dressed when he realizes that hey, Ryan was kind of right about the sheets smelling, and he still hasn’t taken a shower yet. Somehow, though, it’s not on his list of priorities. Pulling on a pair of socks, he wanders into the next room.
“Hey,” he says. They all look up.
“Hey,” Jon says. Spencer nods at him. Ryan says, “Brendon, can I talk to you?”
Nervously, remembering what Spencer said, Brendon nods and follows him into the tiny, narrow kitchen area. Once Jon and Spencer can’t see them anymore, he grabs Ryan’s waist and hugs him from behind, nuzzling his neck. “Hey, you,” he murmurs.
“Hey,” Ryan murmurs back. He turns around in Brendon’s arms and kisses him hungrily. Brendon laughs into his mouth before deepening the kiss and pulling their hips in close.
They kiss like they’ve been apart for months. Ryan’s hands tangle in Brendon’s hair. Brendon sighs into his mouth.
And then Ryan pulls away and says, “But I don’t get why it didn’t work.”
Brendon, who has no idea why Ryan would think that it would work (considering that his ears – and vocal chords, for that matter – are not connected to his dick), responds, “You know what I don’t get? Why we weren’t doing this all along.” He grinds his hips into Ryan’s, and Ryan lets out a small but appreciative moan.
“You know, people have to eat in there,” Spencer calls out.
Reluctantly, Brendon says, “We should probably get back.” Ryan nods, grabbing his hand on the way out.
When they get back into the other room, Jon says, “Spencer’s full of shit. Don’t listen to him. I was thinking, too, and I might be able to help you.”
“How?” Brendon asks. Ryan says, “What do you mean, Spencer’s full of shit?”
Jon says, “Spencer?”
Spencer looks at them guiltily. “Yeah, so, that doctor in Germany? I made him up. I thought if you saw a doctor it might fix you, even if all they did was take your temperature and say there’s nothing wrong. Mind over matter, you know?”
“You were going to make us go all the way to Germany for nothing?”
“...I guess so.” Spencer stares at his shoes.
Jon says, “Anyway, Spencer saying that about the doctor reminded me that I have this herbal remedy that might help. I’m not sure exactly what’s in it, but my mom swears by it – she uses it to treat literally everything and it usually works. I have a bottle back in the bedroom if you want to try it.”
Brendon shrugs. “What harm can it do, right?”
When Jon leaves the room, Spencer finally looks at Brendon, chagrined. “I’m sorry. I honestly couldn’t think of anything and I just wanted to help.”
“It’s okay,” Brendon says. “I’d be pissed if we’d actually gotten all the way there, but since we didn’t, don’t worry about it.” Spencer smiles gratefully at him.
Jon comes back with a bottle that he hands to Brendon. Brendon looks at it and says, “This is all in Chinese.”
“Yeah, you can only get it in Chinatown.”
“How am I supposed to know what I’m taking?”
“Dude, just trust me, okay?”
Brendon does, and he can’t see an alternative. “Spencer.” Spencer’s head snaps up. “Feel like getting me some water?” Usually, Spencer would bitch at him (“Why don’t you just do it yourself? You have feet” or something), but he’s obviously still feeling bad. He nods and gets Brendon a glass of water.
Brendon swallows the pills, smacks his lips, and says, “So? How do I sound?”
“Can’t tell if you don’t sing,” Ryan says. Spencer groans and leaves the room. Brendon repeats the first few lines of the song he’d sung to Spencer earlier, and Jon grins.
“It worked,” Ryan says in amazement. Brendon squeezes his hand, then drops it so he can go give Jon the biggest hug ever. “Thank you, man. You seriously saved my life.”
“No problem,” Jon says, hugging him back. “I just wish I’d thought of it sooner.”
“No, listen, we haven’t missed any shows. This is great!”
Ryan calls out, “Spencer, you can come back now.” Spencer returns, the looks on everyone’s faces telling him all he needs to know. He grins.
“I guess it worked, huh?”
Brendon nods, looking like he’s just won a million dollars.
That night, the audience loves them. Brendon walks offstage slightly dazed and happy. Ryan kisses him and says, “You sounded amazing tonight.” Brendon kisses him back.
“Don’t I always?”